Pretty, period.
By: Tandrea Elmore
"Pretty, for a dark-skinned girl."
Morris Chestnut, Taye Diggs, Tika Sumpter, Naturi Naughton, and Tandrea Elmore. You may recognize these as names of some hot celebrities. Ok, maybe not that last one, but hey it can happen (LOL). Each of these individuals has at least one thing in common. They are what many would consider attractive people. Hey, that is my story and I am sticking to it, but seriously each of these individuals is African American of a dark complexion. This leads me to ask you a question, have you heard or used this phrase, "So and So is pretty to be dark-skinned"? While your intent may be to offer a compliment, this is not. I understand that everyone has a preference and may be physically attracted to specific attributes to each its own and that is a discussion for another day. I have been accused of favoring one flavor of men over the other, but this be could not farthest away from the truth. In our culture when one favors one skin complexion over the other, it is referred to as being color struck. Let me just say, I love all men, but most definitely my African American kings. Now, are they all created equal, umm, well, beauty is in the eye of the beholder. I am sure those who are not as easy on the eye, are some nice people (LOL).
Growing up, I can remember being called several nicknames. Some were possibly intended as endearment like "chocolate" or "Hershey," referencing the milk chocolate candy, Hershey's kiss, but because of my childhood innocence, I did not immediately recognize the low-key shade. However, some take a blind eye or are silent when it comes to discriminating within the same race or ethnic background. There were also names used condescendingly like "blacky", "skillet", "night", "darky", "midnight". Despite being well-known and respected by my peers, there were still times that others would not allow me to forget about my dark complexion. It was as if I was different or from another part of the world. However, maturing and learning to love myself allowed me to grow and embrace all of this beautiful melanin! When people see a baby for the first time, one may say, "Oh, look at the pretty baby, it is so cute." Now, visualize this baby of a dark complexion. One may hear, "Oh, this is a pretty, dark-skinned baby"; "Oh, this baby is a pretty chocolate baby"; or "Oh, that is a pretty, black baby." My question is, why is it necessary to reference the baby’s skin tone?
Fast forward into adulthood and I am loving me and the skin I am in…and encouraging others with a similar complexion to embrace their beauty and not allow others to make them feel inferior. I am no longer silent when people make such comments. I can recall being in a night club. This guy approaches me at the bar and lets those words roll out his mouth, “Hey ma, you are a beautiful dark-skinned girl.” With my quick wit, I respond “Well first sir, I haven’t been a girl in a very long time and second…I am a pretty, period.” Yes, I was extra cute that night and feeling myself! Those past feelings of hurt, shame, and embarrassment were a thing of the past. Well, so I thought! It was not until participating in a class discussion last year I realized those emotions might have only been suppressed.
Our instructor asked the class if anyone had dealt with issues of colorism. I noticed that even in this class, I was a part of the minority. There was only one other student of a dark complexion, and the expectation was that this student would be the one to raise her hand to share similar experiences. Surprisingly, it was the fairer skin student who raised her hand. I inadvertently developed an attitude and minimized her experiences before she ever opened her mouth. After listening to the classmate speak, I realized that though our physical appearances differ, there were similar experiences. I also realized that I had subconsciously judged the classmate and her experience based on the color of her skin. We spoke briefly about experiences, but more so, feelings from the past and the class discussion. It was almost like a bonding moment. This young lady and I became friends and continue to communicate quite frequently.
As a professional, over 30 years old and confident in most facets of life, I am still very quick to correct someone who says, "you are pretty for a dark-skinned girl." I quickly redirect them and say, "I AM PRETTY PERIOD." So much so that I have the T-shirt. No, I really do. The message to be conveyed whether guilty of using this phrase or the recipient, YOU ARE PRETTY, period! #breakthestigma #blackmentalhealthmatters
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Tandrea Elmore
is an Associate Licensed Counselor and National Borad Certified Counselor in Alabama. I have over 16 years of experience in working with youth and their families professionally and through volunteer work. I enjoy serving the community and giving back.